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Every a single mom without a steady partner, and sometimes the self-love sessions just aren't enough. You know what I'm talking about: despite the fact that I work double time taking care of the kids, there are times when my head hits that pillow at night with one all consuming thought, "I've got to get laid." A warm special someone to grace one's bed? I don't know about you, but I'm too old for one night stands, I'm too busy to join any classes, andI'm too tired to I finally took the plunge and answered a few, even ran my own. I'd be lying if it told you that there are a dozen men lined up outside my door with flowers and chocolate, but then I am extremely selective. However, the whole process has improved my self-awareness and has helped me get in touch with what I'm looking have a bad rap-mostly as a forum for lonely, absolutely desperate creeps who've never been able to get a date. But actually, most personals fans are just regular folk who for one reason or another want to expand their pool of potential mates: tons of us are relationship refugees re-entering the dating scene, others are Deciding to play at the personals is the easy part, but once you dive in you're faced with an endless set of decisions. you must decide whether you want to respond to an ad, write one of your own, or both. The benefits of placing an ad or filling out an online profile is that people come to you. You're free to describe yourself or your ideal partner in any way you like, so if someone reviews your laundry list of physical characteristics or odd a friend of mine said, "The sign of a good ad or profile is one that generates a few, good responses. If it's too vague you might get a lot of queries, but they're probably from people who'll turn out to have nothing in common with you." * Do some research. worry about trying to sound sophisticated if you're not, or funny if you really aren't. Just try to write like you're having a conversation. * Don't lie. This is a big no, no. Don't lie about your looks or your interests-that'll only catch up with you eventually. (I realize beauty is in the eye of the beholder however!) * Don't be unrealistic or cliché. You might want to date a supermodel, but most women don't think they have a super model's body, so don't overemphasize body type. I can't tell you how much I hate seeing (and how often I see them) the words, "slender", "busty," and "buxom." And same goes for the ladies (though we tend to focus on status more than appearance). * Do put up a picture. There's a reason they're worth a thousand words. Answering a Personals Ad Responding to an Ad The beauty of responding to ads is you have the luxury of trying on a few different hats-do you like the clever one, the sincere one, the naughty one? But it's easy to find reasons to reject almost anyone (especially if you're skeptical to begin with), so keep this in mind: * Give someone the benefit of the doubt. If you're curious, at least exchange an email or two before you rule someone out. * How much should you have in common? I flip flop on how much emphasis to place on interests and activities. I might not like football or getting my nose pierced but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be compatible (sexually and otherwise) with someone who does. There's a reason "opposites attract" is a time-honored mating sentiment. * Use common-sense. Especially when leaving information about yourself. Until you feel comfortable and trusting of someone, don't give out too much personal information-your last name, where you live, work, etc. Use an anonymous email address, or if you prefer the phone, offer to call the other person. Follow your instincts, and err on the side of caution. Meeting Someone in Person Once you connect with someone you'll probably have several conversations or online chats before deciding to meet him or her. (In the online world, you may be content to just keep it virtual, which can lead to some hot cybersex). When planning to meet someone, be smart and cautious. You just met this person, and although they may sound wonderful, you should play it safe. * Meet in public. Don't go to his or her apartment; meet in a public place and arrive separately. * Tell a friend. Make sure someone else knows where you're going and what time you'll be back. * Relax. Once you're finally face to face with your pal, try to relax. It might help to just acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation and then take it from there. * Be prepared. If you're the shy or tongue-tied type, come prepared with some questions you can ask. * Give it time. And if you're trying to assess if there's any sexual chemistry, give it some time. I've found that between all the conversations going on silently in my head, my body barely has any room to breathe. It might take a second date, and some time to reflect, before you decide whether there's anything worth pursuing. And with that, I urge all you lonely hearts out there to pick up the local paper or visit a dating site and get personal! Good luck.