What does a male do who is hiv positive,who has come out of the homosexual lifestyle,and yet knows in his heart it is not good for man too be alone,and yet fears,the prospect of going through even beginning too share with a lady all that! where does one begin? And not have too go back were he came from!
Roger
It seems to me that the sexes are so polarized in this day and age, and that male bashing has replaced baseball as the national pastime. It seems now that anytime a man wants to seek female companionship:
1) He gets laughed at.
2) He gets cursed at.
3) He gets sued for sexual harassment.
4) He’s automatically branded as an oppressor and sexual predator.
5) All of the above.
The end result appears to be that, on average, women tend to think of men as worthless at best, and horrible as usual.
With all the man hating vitriol that’s out there, I’ve long since given up hope that there’s a special someone out there.
It might not be good for man to be alone, but it appears to be the lesser of two evils in light of the anti male atmosphere that’s out there.
I’m new here but I would definitely agree with Mickey that women blame men for all the bad things they experience. I suspect this enables them to play the victim and cry about how persecuted they are. I don’t worry at all about the drop in marriage and birth rates and highly doubt there’s such a thing as a christian date.
I can speak for everyone when I say the reason for my fears was because I didn’t take the time to know myself while I was in these unhealthy relationships.
Dear Friends in Christ
The situations you refer to are difficult and painful. It can be difficult to accept the path God has for us especially when we want it to include marriage and children. Many years ago a very dear sister in the Lord shared this idea with. me. It changed my view of singleness by changing my perspective. Are we not blessed to be surrounded be people who love us enough to speak truth in love? Here goes: We can never know the mind of God. Yes we may glimpse from time to time what his plans are. However we do know that our God knows us from the moment of conception better than we know ourselves. Therefore we can not truly know the pain, suffering, and anguish God has spared us from by not answering our prayer for a marriage partner.
We often say God knows best but do we believe it? I can tell you that over the years I have heard my share of horror stories and I have been thankful that God has spared me.
Blessings
Donna
Dear singles, thanks so much for the real sharing that goes on here, May the lord bless you all as you seek to overcome your fears as a single girl or guy.
Question: If someone makes a conscious decision not to get into a dating or marriage relationship, can one really say it’s fear? I’m asking because, as I’ve recently mentioned, I’ve given up the fight to find that special someone because I’m not convinced that the reward is worth all the aggravation that comes with it. Thus, I humbly ask again: is this really fear?
Mickey, the only thing a person who decides for or against marriage should fear would be the one on one time they would lose in the presence of God alone. Marriage requires that you give a lot of self less time to one another. As a married woman now, I was against marriage at the time I was asked out (for the second time) by my husband, who was a friend in my church. I thought he was too good for me, which is why I ultimately rejected him a couple years before. When he asked again, I jumped at the chance. However, I was deeply loving my alone time with God and knew it would suffer if I pursued a relationship, especially when I had ended a long term relationship just 6 months prior. I was right. Within a few months (after we spent around four months developing a deeper friendship), I was head over heals for my husband, and we were married within the year. Over time, during our courtship and into our first year of marriage, I prayed less, read less, talked less, listened a whole lot less, danced and sang less in God’s presence. It was hard living away from God, but it wasn’t long before the Holy Spirit moved in me, and I started to get back on track. I’m still working on it, like always, but one thing I would like to say is that without marriage, I would have a different kind of relationship with my Father today. I can remember feeling God’s presence so much more than I ever imagined as my new husband and I committed our lives to one another, and choose everyday, no matter what, to love eachother through all the mess life brings. We are closer to eachother and with our Creator, especially when we let Christ be at the center of our lives. I don’t doubt the magnificant growth that can be achieved in a single person’s life, but as mentioned above, there are those that desire marriage. God does know the deepest desires of our heart, and just because they aren’t immediately answered, and we seem to be continually rejected, doesn’t mean that God has said “No” to our request. He is just saying “No” for now. God’s plans are more than our brains can handle, so I preferred to thank Him for his blessings, thank Him that I didn’t have to worry about such worrisome things, like finding a mate, and rest in the peace He brought me while I waited. Oh, and on that note, you don’t have to “fight” to find someone, you only have to wait for God’s go ahead to pursue the relationship. That was such a struggle for me early on and was all I could think about… If you felt the need to fight to find someone, I wonder if you could so easily give up having a blessed and holy marriage when you are still questioning after years of searching. Yes marriage can be aggravating and at times, I have felt like I can’t do it, but it is one of the best gifts God has given me and since I made a commitment to God to love and honor my husband, there is no fear of divorce, courts, lawyers, alimony, and families breaking apart for my husband or me. And if you think we are an exception, you aren’t being honest with yourself. Look around at some of the long lasting marriages in your church, in your life. It can be done. There are still godly single women and men ready for or close to being ready for marriage. If you desire, you will know when you are ready for God’s blessing, and I don’t doubt when that day comes you will be beaming from ear to ear just thinking about how God worked to get you and your future spouse together at last.
Grace:
I appreciate your point. However, as I’ve seen over the past 25 years, male bashing is the current popular sport. So, if one takes the position that all that is out there is the enemy camp (especially with the pervasive “all men are dogs” mentality out there), it then becomes extremely difficult (if not otherwise impossible) to believe that men and women are on the same team anymore, and that there is someone for everyone. So, being single for life to me seems to be the lesser of the evils.
Here’s something I find interesting: it seems that every time a women suggests she doesn’t trust men, she’s considered a heroine because she’s sticking up for herself. But, God Forbid, if a man says that he doesn’t trust women, he’s AUTOMATICALLY branded a MISOGYNIST!!! Does anyone else see this dynamic?
hey guys..
it was really great to read your thoughts and questions on the subject. im a 21 yr old female who has just gotten out of a 5 year relationship (broke up a year ago). i moved to get away from it and have become closer to the lord. except latley i have found myself lost and confused. I feel very strongly about saving my sexuality till marraige and normaly have very strong morals. i have found it really hard to meet guys and may come across very fussy, but in a humble way. i met this guy and found myself very attracted to him. i didnt realise how much of an effect my previous relationship had on me, as i started to get really scared about opening myself up to a new guy. i would drink alcohol to calm my nerves before dates or just visits. then i was starting to invite him round to stay. thank goodness he said no but i feel comletely embarrassed and shocked that i have come to this point. i really like this guy and would love a chance to show hia what im really like. but how do i let him in?? i shut down.. i would love some advice or encouragment. even prayers. as im completley on my own in this country and havnt made some strong friends yet. thanks